And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
