Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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