At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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