Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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