4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
