worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
