ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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