atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
