I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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