I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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