Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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