That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
