He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
