NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
