i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
