How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
