She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
