people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
