SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
