even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
