check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
