just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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