shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
