So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
