Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
