she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
