Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
