All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
