I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
