I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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