Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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