but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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