FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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