Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
True college students do jello shots in the library
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
