The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
