friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize