After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
