It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
