I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
