I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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