You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
