my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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