i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's never too late to be topless.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
