Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
