I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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