Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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