i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I puked a lego.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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