I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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