Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
