yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's official drugs can't kill me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
