also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
