So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
