just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
